How to eat with braces

Without Braces:
Pop snack in mouth
Chew, swallow
Repeat ad nauseum


With Braces:
Take snack and break tiny bite sized piece off
Pop in mouth
Chew using the one tooth that isn't causing brain numbing pain at that moment
Keep chewing through the pain of the salt getting stuck on your ulcers
Realise that you have accidentally swallowed your dental wax as you feel the wire poking into your cheek with every bite
Enjoy the sensation of having every part of your braces stuck full of food
Probe stuck food with tongue to dislodge
Wince as the brackets tear your lips to shreds
Begin to probe remaning food with finger with until you prick your finger on wire
Swear loudly and frown at bleeding finger
Find mirror and toothpick and poke about for a while dislodging more food, some of which you realise you actually ate at lunch
Get glass of water, sloosh like crazy 7 or 8 times, each time marvelling at the amount of crap you're dislodging and wondering if you've actually swallowed anything at all
Give up, grab toothbrush and brush
Gag at the gunk on toothbrush
Oh look! Dental wax! Where was that hiding?
Keep brushing until you finally feel nice and clean
Inspect in mirror: All clean
Glance longingly at remaining snack
Realise it's a lost cause
Re-apply dental wax
Get hump, growl at family

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